2021.08.15.
一個人離開香港，帶著這些年頭屯著的東西。伴侶匆匆和我吃了頓飯，趕上大雨，又得去灣仔上課，便沒有送我走。一個人來的香港，也是一個人走的，年歲一晃，人和物都沒有留下。
I left Hong Kong alone, with package of years’. I spent my lunchtime with my partner at that time. He wanted to see me off before his class in Wanchai, but the sudden rain changed our plan. I left alone, just like how I came to this city, alone. The years were gone, I didn’t leave anything behind, not a single object, apart from a book of Deleuze and Guattari I gave to my ex.
從隔離酒店出來，舅舅接我回家。好久好久沒有見過一個親人，也好久好久沒有人和我講客家話。
After I finished 14 days of Hotel quarantine, my uncle came to pick me up. It’s been a long long time since I met any of my families, and I hadn’t spoken Hakka for a while.
到家了又要繼續隔離，爸媽養的兔子不認得我了。打開冰箱，裏面是我最喜歡的啤酒和西瓜。過了幾天，爸媽送湯來。門鈴一響，門一開，防疫的封條被撕開。
I had to continue my quarantine when I got to my parents’ home. Their bunny couldn’t recognize me anymore. I opened the fridge, watermelon and beer, my favourite. A few days later, my parents came to bring me soup. The doorbell rang, the door opened, the seal of epidemic prevention was torn.
媽媽還是一樣漂亮，爸爸卻胖了很多。我握著媽媽的手，媽媽把手抽出來，說要配合政府防疫。眼淚在她眼睛裏打轉，等了那麽久我才回到他們身邊。回想半年前在電話裏和媽媽說我要搬出宿舍去住。她沉默很久，電話那頭傳來抽泣的聲音，心疼我日子過得苦。大學宿舍雙人間，一百尺都沒有的小房間裏放兩張三十英寸的小床，不敢和媽媽説我不快樂，只能硬著聲音告訴她決定，卻不告訴她原因。媽媽總是愛哭，我只能當家裏最堅硬的一個，告訴他們一切都好。
Mum was still beautiful; Dad was a lot fatter. I held my mother’s hand tight. She took it out and said that she would cooperate with the government on pandemic regulation. Tears rolled in her eyes, she waited so long before I was back. Six month ago, I told my mother on the phone that I would move out of the dormitory to live somewhere else. She kept silent for a long time, and the sound of sobbing came from the other end of the phone. She said she’s worried about my life. In a double room in the university dormitory, there are two small 30-inch beds in a small room that is not even hundred square feet. I dared not tell my mother that I am unhappy, at all. I could only tell her my decision but not the reason. Mom always loves to cry. I must be the strongest and coldest one in the family that tell them everything is fine.
可是看到她甩開我的手，我的眼淚也想要掉下來。去他媽的狗屁防疫政策。憑什麽我已經一個人待了兩個多星期、核酸檢測做了有十個了，連媽媽的手也不能讓我一直牢牢拽著。我那雙鬆開了的手又拽住，沉下聲音咒駡政策。爸爸離我站得遠遠的，戴著口罩，“配合政府吧。”他於是拖著媽媽走了。
But seeing her throw away my hand, my tears almost rolled down. Fuck the anti-epidemic policy. Why the fuck can’t I hold my mum’s hand after more than two weeks of quarantine and almost ten covid test? I grabbed her loose again, and started cursing the policy in a cold voice. Dad stood far away from me, wearing a mask, “Cooperate with the government.” He dragged my mum away.
我是個中國人，爸爸時刻提醒我。因爲這個身份，我才有機會在疫情時期被國家接納。因爲這個身份我吃的苦，是家人無法理解的。大多數入境人員經過至少21天的折磨，才換來境内人士無口罩大和諧。我從香港來，我是個病毒。自費酒店隔離，住進去后不准反抗、不准點外賣、不准不做鼻腔核酸檢測、不准和隔壁房聊天。居家隔離，每開一次門取外賣，警察會上門把封條再貼好。打開社交媒體……我是個病毒。
I am a Chinese, my father loves to remind me of that. Because of this identity, I get to enjoy the honour to be accepted by my country during the epidemic. What I suffered from this identity, is something they will never understand. Most of the people traveling to mainland China have to undergo at least 21 days of quarantine. Meanwhile people residing here without travelling history get to enjoy the fancy harmony of free-mask society. I am from Hong Kong, which makes me a virus. Quarantine at the hotel at my own expense. We are not allowed to resist, to order takeaways, to not do nasal nucleic acid testing every three days, and to chat with our neighbours. Quarantine at home, every time we open the door for food, the police will come to the door and put the seal on again. Turn on social media…I am a virus.
多少人和我一樣，不願意回國。可是根在，父母在。花了再大的力氣才離開，又被這根狠狠拖著回到這裏，當、病、毒。
How many people, like me, are unwilling to return to China. But our roots are there; our parents are there. It took us tons of effort to leave, and we were dragged back here again by our roots. We were dragged back here, just to be a virus.
